Life's path

We all have moments where we feel on top of the world. Where we feel like nothing can go wrong. That we feel happy, and that that feeling will always stay like that. When we can't take that smile of our face. When we smile and say hi to complete strangers in the street. When we sing in the shower, on our bike, whilst preparing food and even at work.

Moments when we realise hoe blessed we truly ate with what we've been given in life. That we have a great family and amazing friends around us. To support us, love us and have fun with.

I can still remember the very first time I felt happy. Not for a second, but truly happy. I was at my then-boyfriends house and he wasn't there yet. I was sitting on his settee. Thinking. And that's when it hit me. I had a boyfriend I truly loved (still the only boyfriend I have ever truly loved), and he loved me. I had (still have) amazing parents and an amazing group of friends. I felt happy. I wanted to stop the world and stay in that moment for a very long time. My life was going so well.
(not long after that moment I got the news that changed my life forever)


But of course we can also feel the complete opposite.
Like we're useless, like we'll never experience happiness again. Like we're an awful person, 
ungrateful daughter, selfish friend, worthless girlfriend/wife, the worst mother, and so on.
When I feel like that I wanna close the door to the rest of the door. Lock myself in a room and never let anyone in.
Years ago I got depression. It took me a very long time to get better from that. When I felt extremely down in that time (which was often) I truly believed my life was the worst ever. That I would never be happy again. That everyone was against me, and that the entire world would be better off without me.
I don't have that anymore. I still feel down every now and then. But the difference now is that I know things will get better.  I do need to work on the annoying habit of locking people out. I need to learn to open up earlier to the ones that will support me. And I have an amazing group of those people around me now.

Lucky for me, I recover from these moments quicker. I've left my depression behind me. So I do know these moments are temporarily.

Not long ago I was feeling like this. Really down, alone and like I was no use to anyone. Like people would be better off without me.
It's now 2 weeks later and life is treating me very good. I've got some amazing things going on. I can't believe the turn life has taken for me again.
I've got some great, important and interesting things lined up for the next few weeks. I can't really say much about it now but I promise I'll keep you updated as soon as time comes nearer.

One of the nice things that has happened this week has been my birthday. When I turned 30 I took it so much worse than I thought I would. I only got used to being in my thirties until I turned 32. This week I turned 33. It has gotten me to think about what it means to get older. But I don't dread it anymore.