Photography

For quite a few years I've been telling myself to take more pics. I don't feel like I take enough. Never. Not just in my day to day life. Not even on special occasions.
Birthdays go by without a single photo being take. Every now and then I spend some time abroud with my some of my besties. I always tell myself that this will be the time where I really take some good pics which I can frame. And I usually end up going home with some photo's. And many of those aren't even worth sharing.
Afterwards I always feel kinda sad about that. But some reason, it just doesn't change.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I don't think I take good pics. I'd love to have that special eye for it. To take non-posed, amazing pics. But I just don't see it. I don't the opportunities when they present themselves to me. I also find myself to want to take too staged pics. Instead of just taking a pic, I kinda wait till people are looking at me. I take too long to take a photo. And of course that means the moment is gone.

Since January I've been doing this thing called 'Photo a Day' challenge. You get a topic for each day, per month. And you have to take a photo about that topic and post on social media sites. It's really fun. And quite hard work. Taking these pics is hard work. I usually have great ideas. But I can hardly ever make them into a photo. I keep trying though.

I'd like to share some of the photo's I've taken for this challenge. Hope you like them:

Dating

I'm a single woman. A single mother actually.
I have single for quite some time. My last real relationship ended in 2005. There was this guy for 2 months last year. But that ended before it really began.

I don't mind being single. I honestly don't. I enjoy my life. I have an amazing son, a job which I love, lovely kids and colleagues at work, brilliant friends, supportive family and my son and I are in good health. I'm very lucky with that.

I'm a free woman. My son is at that age where he can and wants to stay home alone more often, and for longer periods of times. I can see my friends whenever I want to. I only have 1 friend living close by. I see her quite often and I love spending time with her and her family. My son often joins me on my visits to her.

I don't get lonely. Except when it comes to my friends. I do miss them terribly!! I have a few amazing friends living in the UK. And it breaks my heart I can't be with them more often.
But I'm never bored, or lonely as in missing a partner. I don't feel like there's something missing from my life.

Having said all that, I still decided to start dating again.
A while ago I realised that I felt some kind of longing whenever I saw a couple being close. Holding hands, looking lovingly at each other. I realised I wanted that too. I have a nice life, and I would like to share it with someone. I would like to have someone in my life who looks after me, after me and my son.

About 2 years ago I felt the same way. So I registered at 2 dating sites and just had a look around. Every now and then I got in touch with someone. Or someone got in touch with me. I went on a few dates. But I learned the most from the first one. We had a great click online. Than began phoning. And there was a real connection there too. Never a dull moment, never lost for words. So we went out to dinner. It was a really nice evening. We had a lovely time. But the click we felt online and on the phone wasn't there face to face. I wasn't disappointed in the way he looked or anything like that. It just felt so different seeing each other in the flesh. This feeling was mutual by the way.  That's when I learned that there's no sense in chatting online for weeks. Because you don't really know anything until you are actually spending time together.

Therefor, when I 'met' someone nice online a few weeks ago, I didn't wait a very long time before meeting up. Having set up a security system with my best friend (as you never know who will actually meet up with) I felt confident enough to go on a date. It was a lovely evening, and afterwards I did tell him I was open to a second date. And I meant it.
Until you go out with someone else and that evening was even lovelier and you find yourself thinking of this guy and the date the next day (and the days after that). It may not be nice to compare dates, but that's what you do. It gives you a better idea of what you're looking for in a date and in a man. The way you feel the days after a date makes you also 'judge' the dates and men.

When you really think about it, a first date is quite funny. Beforehand you wonder what you're gonna wear. You want to look nice. But you don't wanna look like a make up doll. You still wanna go as you. Feel quite comfortable so you can relax and be yourself. But you do take extra care in the way you present yourself. You've found this person nice enough to meet, so you wanna make a good impression.
When you arrive at the agreed location (half an hour early in the case of my first date of this year. So I remained in the car until the agreed time) you keep an eye out for the person you're gonna meet. You've taken a last look at their picture before you left home to make sure you remember their face and don't walk up to the wrong person. With the first date I had, I was the first one to arrive. So every time a man was on his own and walked even slightly in my direction, I tried to look as discreetly as possible, wondering whether that's him. Because if you spot him early enough, you have some time to kinda check him out before he close enough to see your reaction.
On the second date I had, my date was there before me. So in that case you walk to the agreed location and you quickly scan the area to see whether any of the people walking around is the person you've agreed to meet. Luckily, the recognition was instant on both occasions.

During the date there's bound to be these awkward silences. And a part of you wants to fill them as soon as possible before they become uncomfortable. For me those moments are a good indication of how you feel with this person. When you feel the urge to fill those silences it has a tendency to become even more awkward. Whereas on other occasions they might feel a bit awkward, as you have no idea where to look and how to act, but they don't feel uncomfortable.

So this time I find myself enjoying the dating process more as I'm better at judging what I want from a first date. Let's face it, I'm not 18 anymore. ;-) I know who I am, and what I'm looking for in a man.