Photography

For quite a few years I've been telling myself to take more pics. I don't feel like I take enough. Never. Not just in my day to day life. Not even on special occasions.
Birthdays go by without a single photo being take. Every now and then I spend some time abroud with my some of my besties. I always tell myself that this will be the time where I really take some good pics which I can frame. And I usually end up going home with some photo's. And many of those aren't even worth sharing.
Afterwards I always feel kinda sad about that. But some reason, it just doesn't change.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I don't think I take good pics. I'd love to have that special eye for it. To take non-posed, amazing pics. But I just don't see it. I don't the opportunities when they present themselves to me. I also find myself to want to take too staged pics. Instead of just taking a pic, I kinda wait till people are looking at me. I take too long to take a photo. And of course that means the moment is gone.

Since January I've been doing this thing called 'Photo a Day' challenge. You get a topic for each day, per month. And you have to take a photo about that topic and post on social media sites. It's really fun. And quite hard work. Taking these pics is hard work. I usually have great ideas. But I can hardly ever make them into a photo. I keep trying though.

I'd like to share some of the photo's I've taken for this challenge. Hope you like them:

Dating

I'm a single woman. A single mother actually.
I have single for quite some time. My last real relationship ended in 2005. There was this guy for 2 months last year. But that ended before it really began.

I don't mind being single. I honestly don't. I enjoy my life. I have an amazing son, a job which I love, lovely kids and colleagues at work, brilliant friends, supportive family and my son and I are in good health. I'm very lucky with that.

I'm a free woman. My son is at that age where he can and wants to stay home alone more often, and for longer periods of times. I can see my friends whenever I want to. I only have 1 friend living close by. I see her quite often and I love spending time with her and her family. My son often joins me on my visits to her.

I don't get lonely. Except when it comes to my friends. I do miss them terribly!! I have a few amazing friends living in the UK. And it breaks my heart I can't be with them more often.
But I'm never bored, or lonely as in missing a partner. I don't feel like there's something missing from my life.

Having said all that, I still decided to start dating again.
A while ago I realised that I felt some kind of longing whenever I saw a couple being close. Holding hands, looking lovingly at each other. I realised I wanted that too. I have a nice life, and I would like to share it with someone. I would like to have someone in my life who looks after me, after me and my son.

About 2 years ago I felt the same way. So I registered at 2 dating sites and just had a look around. Every now and then I got in touch with someone. Or someone got in touch with me. I went on a few dates. But I learned the most from the first one. We had a great click online. Than began phoning. And there was a real connection there too. Never a dull moment, never lost for words. So we went out to dinner. It was a really nice evening. We had a lovely time. But the click we felt online and on the phone wasn't there face to face. I wasn't disappointed in the way he looked or anything like that. It just felt so different seeing each other in the flesh. This feeling was mutual by the way.  That's when I learned that there's no sense in chatting online for weeks. Because you don't really know anything until you are actually spending time together.

Therefor, when I 'met' someone nice online a few weeks ago, I didn't wait a very long time before meeting up. Having set up a security system with my best friend (as you never know who will actually meet up with) I felt confident enough to go on a date. It was a lovely evening, and afterwards I did tell him I was open to a second date. And I meant it.
Until you go out with someone else and that evening was even lovelier and you find yourself thinking of this guy and the date the next day (and the days after that). It may not be nice to compare dates, but that's what you do. It gives you a better idea of what you're looking for in a date and in a man. The way you feel the days after a date makes you also 'judge' the dates and men.

When you really think about it, a first date is quite funny. Beforehand you wonder what you're gonna wear. You want to look nice. But you don't wanna look like a make up doll. You still wanna go as you. Feel quite comfortable so you can relax and be yourself. But you do take extra care in the way you present yourself. You've found this person nice enough to meet, so you wanna make a good impression.
When you arrive at the agreed location (half an hour early in the case of my first date of this year. So I remained in the car until the agreed time) you keep an eye out for the person you're gonna meet. You've taken a last look at their picture before you left home to make sure you remember their face and don't walk up to the wrong person. With the first date I had, I was the first one to arrive. So every time a man was on his own and walked even slightly in my direction, I tried to look as discreetly as possible, wondering whether that's him. Because if you spot him early enough, you have some time to kinda check him out before he close enough to see your reaction.
On the second date I had, my date was there before me. So in that case you walk to the agreed location and you quickly scan the area to see whether any of the people walking around is the person you've agreed to meet. Luckily, the recognition was instant on both occasions.

During the date there's bound to be these awkward silences. And a part of you wants to fill them as soon as possible before they become uncomfortable. For me those moments are a good indication of how you feel with this person. When you feel the urge to fill those silences it has a tendency to become even more awkward. Whereas on other occasions they might feel a bit awkward, as you have no idea where to look and how to act, but they don't feel uncomfortable.

So this time I find myself enjoying the dating process more as I'm better at judging what I want from a first date. Let's face it, I'm not 18 anymore. ;-) I know who I am, and what I'm looking for in a man.

Life's path

We all have moments where we feel on top of the world. Where we feel like nothing can go wrong. That we feel happy, and that that feeling will always stay like that. When we can't take that smile of our face. When we smile and say hi to complete strangers in the street. When we sing in the shower, on our bike, whilst preparing food and even at work.

Moments when we realise hoe blessed we truly ate with what we've been given in life. That we have a great family and amazing friends around us. To support us, love us and have fun with.

I can still remember the very first time I felt happy. Not for a second, but truly happy. I was at my then-boyfriends house and he wasn't there yet. I was sitting on his settee. Thinking. And that's when it hit me. I had a boyfriend I truly loved (still the only boyfriend I have ever truly loved), and he loved me. I had (still have) amazing parents and an amazing group of friends. I felt happy. I wanted to stop the world and stay in that moment for a very long time. My life was going so well.
(not long after that moment I got the news that changed my life forever)


But of course we can also feel the complete opposite.
Like we're useless, like we'll never experience happiness again. Like we're an awful person, 
ungrateful daughter, selfish friend, worthless girlfriend/wife, the worst mother, and so on.
When I feel like that I wanna close the door to the rest of the door. Lock myself in a room and never let anyone in.
Years ago I got depression. It took me a very long time to get better from that. When I felt extremely down in that time (which was often) I truly believed my life was the worst ever. That I would never be happy again. That everyone was against me, and that the entire world would be better off without me.
I don't have that anymore. I still feel down every now and then. But the difference now is that I know things will get better.  I do need to work on the annoying habit of locking people out. I need to learn to open up earlier to the ones that will support me. And I have an amazing group of those people around me now.

Lucky for me, I recover from these moments quicker. I've left my depression behind me. So I do know these moments are temporarily.

Not long ago I was feeling like this. Really down, alone and like I was no use to anyone. Like people would be better off without me.
It's now 2 weeks later and life is treating me very good. I've got some amazing things going on. I can't believe the turn life has taken for me again.
I've got some great, important and interesting things lined up for the next few weeks. I can't really say much about it now but I promise I'll keep you updated as soon as time comes nearer.

One of the nice things that has happened this week has been my birthday. When I turned 30 I took it so much worse than I thought I would. I only got used to being in my thirties until I turned 32. This week I turned 33. It has gotten me to think about what it means to get older. But I don't dread it anymore.

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013

God, It's been ages since I last wrote. I keep telling myself that I need to blog more, and eventhough I really want to, I just never seem to do it. Part of it is being a bit lazy. The other part is that I never quite know what to write. I don't experience exciting things on a daily basis. And I'm always struggling for a subject.

Anyway, 2013 has begun. We're already halfway through the first month. The end of last year was absolutely amazing. Going to London for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn part 2 premiere.
My friend and I queued for 4 full days and 3 nights. We were well prepared and I wasn't cold at all.

 

 The premier itself was amazing!!! I got to meet Tayler (an autograph and a good picture). I also met Kristen. This was my second time meeting her. She's gorgeous and soooo sweet. I got an autograph and picture from her too. I'm sooo happy with my pic. And I of course the reason why I went there in the first place, Rob. He was soooo stunning. He gets more beautiful every time I see him. I also got a picture and an autograph from him too. He was so sweet to everyone and really took his time. Well as taking your time goes when you're having to sign things and have your picture taken with thousands of people.

 The day after the premier some friends and myself went to The Twilight Saga marathon. Seeing all films back to back in the cinema was quite emotional. I realised that it must the last time I'd ever see the first 4 on the big screen. And I didn't get to see all of them. During the marathon we went to a gig by Marcus Foster. He was amazing!!! What a performance. He sounded amazing and the crowd loved him. After the show we spoke a little to him. He was very happy we'd come to see him perform. While we were standing outside we were joined by Sam Bradley. And he became one of my highlights of this trip. He'd said hi to all my friends before he looked at me, told me it was really nice to see me again, gave me a massive hug and asked me how I was doing. I just couldn't believe it. He recognized me from meeting me in October!! He asked my friend how her time in LA had been (she'd been there to see the Breaking Dawn part 2 world premier), I then told him about me queuing
at Leicester Square. He didn't think it was weird or stupid at all. He was so understanding.

After the Marcus and Sam we went back to The Twilight marathon. It was time for Breaking Dawn part 2. Describing that film is very difficult. I laughed alot, I cried, and I was shocked. Shocked till my very core. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. And eventhough every fan outthere has already seen it, I still won't say why I was so shocked. ;-)
After the whole Twilight experience a friend took me to see The Killers live! OMG what an amazing gig that was. I'm so glad she took me to see them. Otherwise I would've missed out on a great gig!!

 After I got back home it wasn't long before I was going on another trip. This time I took my son with me. We flew to Newcastle on Boxing Day. There we stayed with a dear friend and her 3 amazing sons. We only stayed for 1 night before going on a roadtrip to Wales. There we spent 2 nights with another dear friend. In total there were 6 grown, mad women and my sweet son. Bless him.

 Us girls have all met because we're all Twilight/Rob Pattinson fans. So my dear son made us a Twilight quiz. It was fun and I felt really proud listening to him speak English to my friends.
After a mad couple of days, the 3 of us (my friend from Newcastle, my son and I) drove back to Newcastle where stayed another 2 nights. That was loads of fun. My son got a great with her kids. They had a great time playing on the XBox, as teenage lads do.

 On the last day of 2012 we had a tearful goodbye and flew back to Holland.

So far, I don't have any real plans for a new trip yet. I'm trying to save loads of money for some upcoming events in 2014. Unfortunately, saving money is not easy when you live in a country where the government is doing everything they can to make it harder for you to just make ends meet. I won't get too into it as I hardly understand it myself.

Let's just keep our fingers crossed that this will be a financial quiet year, with loads of extra money coming in.