vrijdag 31 december 2010

Wow, where has the year gone? It's flown by.

Every year around Christmas and New Years time I think back about the year that I'm leaving behind and the year that I'm about to step into.

This has been an odd year. With extreme highs and extreme lows. It's been a very difficult year. The highs have been very few, but they have been incredible!

I feel I can't end this year without mentioning the lowest point of probably my entire life.
I've had to face some amazing losses in my life. Some by choice, most not by my choice. It's been a real struggle accepting this new situation. I"m still not fuly there yet, but I'm doing loads better. I've made some important steps to change some things in my life, and I feel very good about those steps, and making these changes in my life.

But I defenitely wanna end this year on a high.One of my few highs has defenitely been the 9 days I spent with my son in the UK with 2 amazing friends! We had such an amazing time here (meeting even more amazing people). Thanks for opening your house and hearts for us. We love you so much and can't wait to have you here with us!



The Twilight Saga has entered my life this year (yeah, I know, about time right LOL), and it's defenitely here to stay. I've seen so many great films inspired by people who play in the Saga, and also met some new people because of the films.
And Ring* Con was defenitely my high. I've met an amzing new friend there. Someone that has shown me that it's ok to trust new people, and to invest in a new friendship.
With that new friend, and my best friend, I met even more incredibe people. The actors of The Twilght Saga (well, those I met anyway) are so nice and so open. You can have a real laugh with them. Which is exactly what we did!

And I wanna say a massive thanks to the 2 people who've truely helped me to survive this year! My son and my best friend. God, knows where I'd be without you. You helped me cope and were there on my darkest days! I love you soo much and will never ever stop!!!!

I'll leave this year with some pics of the highs of this year we're leaving behind.

Me with 2 amazing friends!
My best friend, BooBoo and myself


Me with Charlie
Me with Charlie
Me with Gil

Two lovely lads!


Another amazing friend!!!
My gorgeous son and me

The best friend a girl could ever wish for!!!


Happy New Year!!! Make it the best one you could possibly can!!!!

See in the 2011!!

Jo

woensdag 22 december 2010

Winter Wonderland

Well, it's properly Winter here in The Netherlands. With snow and everything.

I totally understand that snow isn't enjoyable for everyone. It's a nightmare for the elderly to make their way over the sidewalk.
But I personally love the stuff! It's a beautiful sight and it's great to play with and in.

They say we're getting more snow overnight and tomorrow. I'm already looking forward to it.
We'll be having a white Christmas. That will be amazing!

We'll be having a brunch at my parents house on Christmas Day. My sister, her husband and their baby will also be there.  After that Christmas will be all about my son and myself spending quality time together. We'll be playing board games, playing outside in the snow and watching films. I'm sooo excited about it all!

Just one more day of work tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a quiet day. Just relax and enjoy the Christmassy mood!!

Have a great Christmas everyone!!!!


I'm not cold, honestly!

Shopping with the sledge



Our street

Mum and son

Our local park

The windmill in our town

Again the park

Our house

zondag 21 november 2010

Twilight Party

This weekend my best friend Liz organised a Twilight Party. I was sooo loking forward to it. Besides the 2 of us, her mum and another friend would be there. So much fun!

The weekend started out amazing. I went over to my friends house on Friday evening as we had a date with Harry Potter. The movie was amazing!! Sooo good! Loved it! It was also sad as one of the cutests characters dies. It was a bit odd seeing the Weasley twins on the big screen. We met them in October. They were very nice. And seeing them on the big screen, and hearing them talk was a bit weird.

After we got home, we chatted a little, spent some time online and decided to go to bed. We had a busy ahead of us the day after.
Primark
When we woke up, we got ready to go out. We met up with her mum at the trainstation in Rotterdam. We made our way to the next train station where we got off to go shopping at an amazing shop called Primark! We love that shop. Great clothes for even better prices!
People had warned me that it was always soooo busy at Saturdays. Sometimes people will actually have to wait outside because it's way too busy inside. But this Saturday was really good. it was busy, but not crowed. We could easily take our time, and look at everything.
I ended up buying some nice things for myself and my son.
After we walked around the shopping centre some more, we made our way home. There Karina joined us. And the party could officially start.
scary!!!
Liz had decorated her appartment really nice. All Twilighty.
decorations on the ceiling
The reason we got together
It began brilliant, as Karina had baked a chocolate cake. OMG!!! It was in the shape of a heart, and smelled delicious! She'd brought colouring and after mixing that with the icing, she also spread that over the cake. It seriously was the icing on the cake. It was absolutely amazing!!!! It tasted devine!!



It's the icing....
......on the cake

Attacking the cake

CAKE and drinks!!




We had moved a matrass to the livingroom. Liz's mum and Karina had made themselves comfy on there whilset Liz and I had made the settee our comfy zone!
Then we got settled to watch some amazing films. No guessing as to which films they were. The Twilight Saga!! We started off with Twilight. And no matter how many times I've seen that film now (and that's ALOT), it never fails to grab me. God, how I love that story!
Getting comfy
Edible art
After Twilight we moved on to New Moon. But soon after the film had started we got chatting. We pauzed the film and many subjects were discussed. 'Grown up' ones like giving birth and raising children. To bringing back memories from our high school years. We shared amazing and personal stories, and had a great laugh.
As time went on we realized how late it was getting. So Liz revealed a little surprise. She had Eclipse for us!!! OMG!!! I hadn't seen it since the last time we saw it in the theatres. So focussed on New Moon again, and enjoyed the rest of that. Then we put Eclipse on. It was sooooooo good to see.
Watching Eclipse
It was getting really late. Eclipse ended around 3.30am. By that time, Liz had nodded off a few times. The same goes for her mum, and I too realised I missed some parts of the film. Karina was fast asleep. The sweetheart.
Liz and I moved from the settee to the bedroom, where we went to sleep properly.

Till next time!

zondag 7 november 2010

Well, I've been quite busy today.
The cupboards in my house have been bugging me for a long time. I have wanted to clear them out for a long time. But just didn't get round to doing it. Or wasn't in the right mood. And I really have to be in the right mood.
Also, I have to move with a few months (maybe even weeks) time. And I don't wanna have to do it all at the same time. All the stuff that's in the cupboard I cleared out today, and just go into a box, and put right back in the cupboard in my new home.
I know what I'm like. I can get extremely stressed when I have to do stuff I find difficult. Especially when I'm on a time limit.
So I've started today and I plan to do all my cupboards before I have to move house.


                                                                  Our backroom


The reason I have to move is because they will be taking my house down. According to the housing company, my block of houses is too old, and not updated enough. That's according to the housing company. I had an expert in my house who had a look at the state of it. And he thinks the house looks great. Sure, it could use some work on the outside. But I had no damp spots anywhere. It's a very good, solid house.
Also, this house holds so many memories! It's my sons and my first house. OUR house!!! We lived with my parents for nearly 3 years after D was born. This is OUR house. OUR home. OUR safe haven. I'm glad that after we've moved no-one wil be living in OUR house those last few months it's up. It'll be weird and even sad when they take it down. Eventhough by then we'll have moved to a new house.
                                                                     our frontroom


Someone from the housing company recently visited me. They're gonna try to get us a house 3 streets from where we now live. Possibly even with a fireplace. I couldn't believe when she said that! I thought she was gonna real difficult as I have hardly done anything to get myself a new house.
She asked me some questions so she could make a strong case for me as to why I need to stay close by. Like I'm depending on my parents for looking after my son when I work. Plus, as he hasn't got his dad is his life, my dad is a massive role model to him. Also she mentioned my fireplace. She was really positive about trying to keep it. Her thoughts were like, if you can keep it to try to keep your energy bill down, we'll be sure that you can pay the rent. I liked that way of thinking LOL.

                                                                 our beloved fireplace


The possible new house is really nice. It's like 3 streets away. The most importand thing about it is that it's so close to where we live now. D gets to stay in his well known neighbourhood, close to his friends and my parents. I'm really happy about that.
The nice woman from the housing comapny said she couldn't promise me anything but she'd do the best she could. I must admit, I'm really positive about it. And to be really honest, I'm kinda already counting it. It would us having to move alot less stressfull, and painfull. It'll still be sad to leave this house behind, but at least I'm staying close by. And I will get a house and not an appartment.

                                                           My beloved pictures and books


I'm sooo in 2 minds about this moving house stuff. I look forward to the decorating. Buying new stuff. Paint, floor, wallpaper, everything. I sooooo want a new look. But I'd love to do that in this house. I love my house!
I dont want a new house. I love the neighbourhood I live in. Heck, I even like my neighbours. LOL I just want to redecorate. I'm tired of the colours I now have. Tired of the way the floor looks, the curtains, everything.
One of my faves places in the house
.                                                                  My precious pictures


If all goes well, I'll hear more next week. I'm actually getting a bit excited. I just want to have it all over and done with.
I'll keep you updated.
                           


woensdag 3 november 2010

Babies

I know it might not be a subject everyone is interested about, but we can't help to be bump into one from time to time ;-)


Even if you don't like kids you can't deny every child is a miracle. Add 2 bits of 'nothing' together, and a new life is created.


Some babies are really living by the word 'miracle'.
Like the daughter of a close friend of mine. She was born with 24 weeks and 2 days! Yes, 24 weeks and 2 days! (A full term pregnancy is 40 weeks)
Here in The Netherlands a baby isn't called a 'baby' before the 24weeks and 6 days mark. Before that it's a fetes. Before that mark they usually don't even try to safe a baby after it's born. The change of the baby being severly disabled is so high. The actually prepared my friend that she would take home a dead baby. She and her husband didn't want their baby saved at all cost. They didn't think it would be fair to the child if it would be severly disabled. So they kinda left it to the doctors. They said that the baby needed to 'show' them that she wanted to fight. So after she was born, she breathed and tried to cry. That was the sign they needed, and they got into action.
To cut a very long story very short:
She weighed 650 grams (1.43 pounds) on the day she was born, July 26th. And when she came home on October 30th she weighed 2570 gram (5.67 pounds). And as far as they know, she's healthy.
I visited her at the hospital once and then I visited her today.
It was so good seeing my friend, her husband and now have their daughter home with their son. Their son is a 1 year old little lad, who hadn't seen his sister before she came home.
I'm soooo happy it all went well, in the end. I'm so proud of my friend, her husband and their baby. They've some incredible difficult weekd, but they pulled through. Together!
This little girl truely is a miracle.



It makes you think how lucky we really are when we do get healthy babies that are born after 40 weeks.
Every day thousands of babies are being born. And most have them have no problems at all. The lucky ones.

I work with babies 3 days a week. And they're precious. Every single one of them. I feel honoured I get to look after the most precious 'possession' these parents have. It's a blessing. I might not realise that when I'm cleaning up sick of the floor. But after that, I really do. 

By the way, the appointment at the hospital for my pacemaker went really well. It's doing its job.





zondag 31 oktober 2010

Some help for the heart

Tomorrow is quite an exciting day. Well, not sure whether exciting is the right word.

On September 20th of this year I got fitted with a pacemaker. I know, weird hey. Here's what happend.

Three months after my son was born I started to faint. I called them fits as my arms and legs were shacking and my eyes were doing sommer salts in my head. In the beginning I had several fits a day, for several weeks on end. The doctor tried to tell me I had a salt shortage. But adding more salt to my diet didn't work.
Eventually he reffered me to a neurologist at the hospital. After some tests (a headscan and a test where they checked my brainwaves), they found that I did have some irregularrities in my brain but not enough to officially diagnose me with epilepsy.
At the time the fits were almost gone. Just a few per year. So I didn't have any more tests done.
November last year things changed again. I got more and more fits. Sometimes even several times a week. I started to write them down. With what I ate, was doing when it happend, how my mood was, all that kind of stuff. But it didn't seem to matter. There wasn't a pattern to be noticed. So off to the hospital I was again.
They did the same tests as last time and this time my new neurologist didn't see anything.
She decided to send me on to a special clinic which specializes in epilepsy. They had a waiting list so in the meantime she wanted to to rule out everything else.
So off I went to get my heart checked. I first had an ultra sound of my heart. That was all good. Then I had to have 5 stickers on my chest which were attached to a machine thingy that I had to carry around for 24 hours. A week later I was back at the hospital to get the results. I didn't think much of it. It was just a formality. But I was shocked to hear that the doctor thought I needed a pacemaker. I started laughing. What else could I do? The doctor asked whether I knew anything about pacemakers. I told him I thought it was something elderly people got. He explained some things about the pacemaker and showed me one.
I wasn't home even an hour when the hospital phoned me. They had a bed ready for me in 9 days time. I decided to take it. At least it wouldn't give me much time to worry about it. I was also very good and did not research online too much.
I would have my operation on Monday Sept 20th. I had to be in hospital on Sunday afternoon. My son, parents and bestie took me there. I got settled in and they went home. I had taken a book and some pens and paper with me to pass the time.
I shared my room with 3 elderly men. All over 70. But they were very nice. I noticed as the day went into evening I did get rather nervous. I withdrew. A nurse came to take all our bloodpressures and give the men their meds. She asked me how I was feeling and I broke. I started to cry and told her I was quite scared.
The man in the bed next to me came over and calmed me down. Turned out, he too had a pacemaker. He told me about the operation. That did calm me abit. I was offered some meds to help me sleep but I didn't take them. I regretted that in the morning as I slept really bad! Hardly slept at all really.
I was first on the list the next morning. This time I did decided to take a pill to relax me alittle before the operation.
I would be awake during the operation. They would give a local anaesthesia. I was so very very cold. I was really shaking.
That morning my son had a school trip and he'd asked me to wave at 9.15am. So I asked the nurse to tell me when it was that time. I explained why and she thought it was very sweet.
They covered me with a blue sheet and also had one from my chin up towars the ceiling. The doctor came in and started the operation. My hands were laid down next to my body and I wasn't allowed to move them. One of the nurses told me that it was 9.15am. I waved with my hand apparently the nurses waved too. The doctor needed some explaining though LOL.
There were quite some nurses in theatre to help the doctor out. One of them was a male nurse. He was lovely. He was also the person who did the ultrasound of my heart. I'm probably gonna see him more often as he'll do my pacemaker check ups. Already looking forward to it. LOL

The operation was quite odd to experience. You can feel everything but it doesn't hurt. Some things are uncomfortable. Only the stitching up was a bit painfull.
At one point I felt a tingling feeling in my left arm. When I mentioned that the doctor said that it was because the were putting one of the wires through a vein that also went to my left arm. Then I felt a massive lump in my throat. it was actually quite difficult to breath. When I told the doctor this, he said it was because they were testing the electrodes. I asked if I could see the pacemaker before it went into my body. The lovely male nurse showed it to me whilst it still being in the plastic package. he told me: "This will go into your body, after it's taken outof the plastic package of course." The other nurses and myself had a little giggle.

The pacemaker is fitted on the right side, just below the collarbone. It's just underneath the skin and quite visable. But I don't mind. The scare has healed quite nicely. It's still quite red, but that will go as the years go on.
It's quite weird having something in your body that shouldn't be there. I can hold it and even move it around. It don't it often as I'm scared the wires will come off. I can feel one of the wires coming from under my collarbone.

After I was taken back to my room The put my right arm in sling. I wasn't allowed to use it and had to have bedrest. My parents, son and bestie came to see me in the evening. It was good to have the distraction.
I also had fun with my roommates. We had some nice discussions. We had fun!
I was allowed to go home on Tuesday morning. I needed help with almost everything. I could do some things with my arm. As long as I didn't have to lift my arm higher then chest hight. So slowly as the days went on it got better and better. But it wasn't untill nearly 3 weeks later that I had the full use of my arm back.
I went back to work 3 weeks after the operation. I feel good now. I can do everything again. And according to the doctor I can do everything I want to.

Tomorrow I'll have my first check up. I reckon all is well.
I'll let you know.

vrijdag 29 oktober 2010

What a day

OMG! That kinda sums up my day.
Getting tickets for THE biggest band in the UK has always been very stressfull. But I normally do quite well, I normally get tickets within like an hour or so. And even for mutiple dates.But this time it was different.
It was a nightmare. Pure hell!
I sat behind my laptop from 10am till 4pm, non stop. And no tickets!!!!! Honestly nothing! As the day went on people around got their tickets and I didn't get anything. I felt soooo sad, disappointed and extremely frustrated!!!
Just after 4 I was able to tear myself away from the laptop and go outside for a bit. My son and I did a bit of shopping as we had to eat some time.
So after we had dinner I went at it again. Still trying to get tickets. They released even more dates. But still no luck. I got very close a few times. Closer then I thought I found out.

I was checking my bank details because I had to pay some bills. I noticed there was a large amount of money taken from my bandaccount via my creditcard. It can only be Take That tickets!!! I have an idea which date and city it is, but I'm not sure. I have never received a confirmation email. Which is quite frustrating. I also have an option to buy some from another girl. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed! I have to be there!
And next week the European tickets will go on sale. Let's keep our fingers crossed for those ones aswell!

I feel quite good. This afternoon I had a moment where the frustration nearly got to me. I was very close to tears. It was sooooo annoying that it just didn't work. I had 5 or 6 ticket websites open and I just didn't get through. But I'm ok now. I feel ok with not doing as many dates as I normally do. I have so many other things coming up that will cost me quite some money aswell.

And I honestly don't feel sad about it. I love the lads. They (especially Mark) will always be my first love. But I have spread my money, passion and time some more. Plus, my son has his Summer vacation during the tour. So I don't feel it's fair to go away for days on end again. Last time I went away for 10 days. I can't do that anymore. Not when he's off from school. This year, I'm taking him with me! He really wants to see it and he's already very excited! So it'll be my son, my bestie and myself going on tour. Not all the dates, but at least one!

Well, time to go to bed I reckon. I'll come back very soon!

donderdag 28 oktober 2010

Stressed

It's all kicking off again tomorrow. It's nervwrecking.


I've been a fan of this band for over 16 years! I've seen so many times live. I can't even count. I've also met them several times.
And now they're going on tour again. With the 5 of them, again. It's all coming together again. After all these years. So far I keep saying saying that I'm not really too keen on them being a 5-piece again. To me Take That and Robbie Williams (as those are the lads I'm talking about) are 2 different acts all together. I really hope I can get used to seeing as one band again.
I have been feeling quite relaxed about the whole Take That and ticket thing. I wasn't feeling as hyped up as I normally do.
I think it's because of a few reasons. I'm having to share my passion with a new passion. So I have to be even more carefull with my money and time.
I also have way lesser poeple to share this tour with. Eases the excitement a little. But I also will experience it with new people. Which I'm really excited about. I'm sooooo excited my bestie is coming with me and that a new friend will be joining me aswell. And I plan to go and see at least one of the dates with the most importand person in my life. My little man!

I hope I can come back tomorrow with great news about getting tickets.

Have a good day!

woensdag 27 oktober 2010

A new Chapter

My first blog. I won't bore you all with a formal introduction of who I am. You'll learn more about me along the way.


Today feels different. You know the feeling when you see, hear or read something and think YES! Like something has clicked for the first time. A life-changing moment. I think this is one of those days for me. It's a line that someone said to my best friend 1,5 week ago.
Alot has happend to me over the past year. I've had so many highs and even more lows. I've had the deepest lows I've had in years. I've lost precious people and gained even more precious people.
Only recently am I coming to terms with what's happend. It's like I've seen the light. But the light is like one of those dimmers. It's not turned up to its full potential yet. I feel very confident I can handle the bright light. But I'm also quite scared of how I'd actually react. I just wanna put all that shit of this year behind me. Get over stuff I need to get over, and fully embrace the great things that have happend this year!
I've gained one amazing new friend and will hopefully properly gain another one very soon.

I'm planning great things for the end of this year and next year. This kinds feels like a new beginning. I've turned the page to a new chapter. Which hopefully will give me more confidence and regain some trust in people. Cos that too has been damaged.
I know I still have a long way to go, but you gotta start some time and somewhere, right? This really feels like a new chapter. I feel things can change now. I have some new energy.
I'll change things in my life. Personally and at work. I've already made the first few steps at work, and it feels really good. I really hope I can keep it up.
I know I have the support around me. I just have to believe in myself a little more, and really need a little help from an outside person. Just hope that'll get going very soon.

Sorry for being very criptical, but I don't wanna put everything outthere in one go. Just bare with me.

Till next time!!!